Not me.

I've been reading a blog where the author writes a "Not me Monday" column each week which I thoroughly enjoy. Today has been one of those days that lent itself to my writing my own version. Read along and see if you get the idea.

I'm so glad this is not my life. I absolutely did not sit at the table last night with dinner guests only to discover dead fruit flies in our glasses. Those would be left over from Ryan's science experiment in the cabinet, which took us weeks to find and resulted in waves of invading flies. Nope. I washed everything in the cabinet, or at least I thought I did. How do I know that's not my life? Because we always use plastic, well, except when we have company. And besides, that would be way too embarrassing.

I definitely didn't give Ryan four cheese sticks and the rest of the container of Cool Whip before bed to keep him occupied for a few minutes so I could read my email. Nope. My kids eat well balanced meals and snacks all the time.

And I did not lay in bed last night and pretend not to hear Ryan ask to go potty because I was so tired, and warm and cozy. Definitely not me. We're potty training around here and I wouldn't miss a chance for success.

I most certainly did not walk my four year old to the park in freezing weather without a coat because it was easier than fighting with him. No way! I care about my kids being warm. And besides, I'm in charge around here.

And my four year old absolutely did not stand in the middle of the dining room table and stomp his feet and throw things while someone from David's office was over this afternoon. Thank goodness, because that would be so embarrassing. And my eight year old would never start a conversation about vomit with our guests. He knows better.

Thank goodness I didn't leave the kids in the bathroom unattended for just a minute while I grabbed a clean diaper because I might come back to find yellow bath crayon scribbled all over the cabinets, walls, sink, and even the toilet seat. Never! Who would have time to clean that mess? And who would ever buy their kids bath crayons anyway? I'm so glad that wasn't me. It couldn't be. My life if perfect.